Top Stories – Not a bad gardening leave payoff –
NBC reaches a $45m (£28m) agreement with Conan O’Brien over his late-night US talk show, so his predecessor Jay Leno can make a return. O’Brien will be allowed to return to TV in eight months. Conan O’Brien
Wolf in wolf’s clothing –
The winner of the Wildlife Photographer of the Year award has been disqualified after judges ruled that the featured wolf was probably a “model”. The 2009 winning image, dubbed the storybook wolf, was taken by photographer Jose Luis Rodriguez.
The car in front… won’t slow down –
Toyota is recalling 2.3 million cars in the US to correct sticking accelerator pedals. In August of last year, Toyota recalled 690,000 cars in China due to faulty electrical window switches.
Top Video – Videotape – A Pixilation Sci-Fi Short Film about an old man’s haunted VCR.
John Terry affair gagging order released –
The British High Court has lifted a press silencing order preventing the public from learning details about England Captain John Terry’s alleged affair with a team-mate’s girlfriend. The ‘super-injunction’ was originally granted by a High Court judge under human rights laws but was lifted today. Chelsea captain Terry claimed that exposing his alleged infidelity would be a breach of his right to a ‘private and family life’. John Terry
The car in front… still won’t slow down –
Toyota is now recalling up to 1.8 million cars across Europe following an accelerator problem. The car maker will recall eight models including the Yaris, the Corolla (the biggest selling car ever – see list below) and the RAV4 sports utility vehicle. Last week it recalled 2.3 million cars in the US with faulty pedals.
Mais oui – the G-spot does exist –
French researchers have disagreed with English researchers at King’s College London who announced on New Years Day that the G-spot is a fallacy and does not exist. But French doctors the “G-Day” conference in Paris insist the G spot – supposedly a cluster of internal nerve endings – is far from a myth. “The English study is barking up the wrong tree,” said Sylvain Mimoun, France’s best-known gynaecologist.
Dog survives 24km trip on ice –
A dog stranded on an ice floe that had drifted 24km out to sea was rescued by the crew of a research boat off the coast of Gdynia in Poland. He is being called Baltic after the ship while a search is launched for his owners.
Nike Sending First ‘Back to the Future’ Self-Tying Shoes to Michael J. Fox –
Nike says that the future is here. The first person to receive a pair of the company’s “Back to the Future” self-lacing shoes is the franchise’s star Michael J. Fox, according to a Nike designer. Nike shoe designer Tinker Hatfield sent Fox a letter today that stated, “As the first, most celebrated wearer” of the Nike Mag shoes, “we wanted you to be the first to receive a living pair,” according to a tweet from the actor. Earlier today, a spokesman for Nike would only say that a pair of the self-lacing Nike Mag shoes worn by Marty McFly in the 1989 film “Back to the Future II” is in New York City today — but declined to comment further. [ABC News] The Michael J Fox organisation (that raises money for Parkinson’s Disease charities) tweeted a picture of the actor wearing the sneakers. Michael J Fox Tweet
Toyota celebrates ‘Back to the Future Day’ by building Marty McFly’s dream truck –
Toyota has recreated Marty McFly’s dream truck, just in the nick of time for ‘Back to the Future Day’ on October 21, 2015. The black 2016 Toyota Tacoma pick-up is a copy of the one Marty lusted after in the original film – and spoiler alert, things turned out so that his dream machine eventually made it into the McFly family garage. In total, Toyota has built three of these ‘Back to the Future’ Tacoma pick-up trucks events around the U.S. “The suspension has been beefed up and the truck rides on a special set of Toyota Racing Development [TRD] wheels and tires,” said Proffitt. The truck itself was in a plastic cocoon, looking all the world like a 1:1 scale Hot Wheels car. Note to BTTF fans looking for awesome swag: Toyota is handing out models of the this special-edition Tacoma throughout today in Times Square. [NY Daily News] See Video of the Day
Video of the Day –
Fueled by the Future | Back to the Future | Presented by Toyota Mirai
ISIL orders males aged 14 and older in Raqqa, its de facto Syrian capital, to register with the police, an action seen as the first step toward forced conscriptions in this region. (Al Jazeera America)
New York City police officer Randolph Holder, 33, has died from gunshot wounds sustained in the line of duty. An immigrant from Guyana, Holder was on the force for five years. He is the fourth NYPD officer to have been killed in less than a year. (New York Times)
Europe’s largest floating solar farm to open –
The biggest floating solar farm in Europe is being constructed on a reservoir. More than 23,000 solar photovoltaic panels are being laid on the surface of the Queen Elizabeth II reservoir near Walton-on-Thames, Surrey. The farm, which will be the size of eight football pitches, is expected to generate 5.8 million kilowatt hours of electricity in a year. The energy will be used to part power a nearby water treatment works. Thames Water said construction of the solar farm, which is about eight miles (13 km) from Heathrow airport, will be completed by the end of March. The floating pontoon will be 57,500 sq m in size. [BBC]
The United States Food and Drug Administration announces it has relaxed its official requirements regarding the use of the abortion drug Mifeprex (RU-486). The current guidelines were based on 1990s medical evidence. Changes include reducing the number of physician visits required by abortion-seeking women, reducing drug dosage, and allowing women to take the drug for three weeks longer — now a total of 70 days. (UPI)
Mexico City, facing the capital’s worst air-quality crisis in over a decade, issues a temporary order that all cars remain idle one day a week. Today, authorities report a pollution index of 108 (bad) after low readings during Holy Week. Vehicles will also be forced from the roads one Saturday a month. The measure will begin next Tuesday, April 5, and run until Thursday, June 30, 2016. Starting July 1, improved technology will be in place at smog-check centers where all vehicles must be tested every six months. (AP via Fox News)
A Larnaca, Cyprus, court orders that 59-year-old Seif Eddin Mustafa, who was arrested by Cypriot police yesterday, remain in local police custody for eight days to assist Cyprus’s own investigation. Mustafa faces charges of hijacking, illegal possession of explosives, kidnapping, and threats to commit violence. It’s unclear if Mustafa had any explosives; the bomb belt he wore was fake, and officials are waiting for testing results on unidentified liquids found among his possessions. (AP via The Daily Courier)
The opposition plans to generate a recall referendum that would ask voters if President Maduro should be removed from office. The Constitution states a recall referendum can be held once the president has served half of his six-year term (Maduro became President on April 19, 2013) and at least 20 percent of registered voters sign the petition. (UPI²)
Ronnie Corbett, best known for The Two Ronnies, dies aged 85 –
Entertainer Ronnie Corbett, best known for BBC comedy sketch show The Two Ronnies, has died aged 85. His publicist said: “Ronnie Corbett CBE, one of the nation’s best-loved entertainers, passed away this morning, surrounded by his loving family. “They have asked that their privacy is respected at this very sad time.” Corbett was one of the UK’s best-loved comedians and along with Ronnie Barker, their double act was one of the most successful of the 1970s and ’80s. [BBC] See Video and List of the Day Ronnie Corbett in 2010
Video of the Day –
The Two Ronnies. Four Candles
List of the Day –
Ronnie Corbett’s best jokes
A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. ‘When did you last have a smoke?’ she asks. ‘Five years ago.’ So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, ‘When did you last have a drink?’ He said, ‘Five years ago.’ So she gets out a bottle of Scotch and he has a drink. Then she unzips her wet suit a bit more and says, ‘And when was the last time you played around?’ He looks at her in amazement and says: ‘You’re not telling me you’ve got a set of golf clubs in there?’
A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston by-pass. Motorists are asked to be on the look-out for 16 hardened criminals.
We will be talking to an out of work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet.
There was a fire at the main Inland Revenue office in London today, but it was put out before any serious good was done.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my right hand.
For some time, my wife’s had this ridiculous idea that I’m playing too much golf. Actually, it came to a head at about 11.30 last night. She suddenly shouted at me: “Golf, golf, golf. All you ever think about is bloody golf!”. And I’ll be honest, it frightened the life out of me. I mean, you don’t expect to meet somebody on the 14th green at that time of night.
This is a message for seven honeymoon couples in a hotel in Peebles: Breakfast was served three days ago.
French wine growers fear that this year’s vintage may be entirely spoiled due to the grape treaders’ sit-in.
West Mercia police announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly knickers, but the chief constable said they must wear their normal uniforms.
It was revealed in a government survey published today that the prime minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy.
We’ll be talking to a car designer who’s crossed a Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame.
After a series of crimes in the Glasgow area, Chief Inspector McTavish has announced that he is looking for a man with one eye. If he doesn’t find him, he’s going to use both eyes.
We’ve just heard that in the English Channel, a ship carrying red paint has collided with a ship carrying purple paint. It is believed that both crews have been marooned.
A grandfather has gone missing after eating four cans of baked beans, two cauliflowers and a jar of gherkins. His family have made an emotional appeal for him not to come home for at least a fortnight.
Today is our anniversary. It’s just 12 years ago today when she said “I do”. It certainly surprised me, because I didn’t think she did.
That was the night when I leapt onto the dancefloor and did my rather racy impression of John Travolta. I suppose it must have been the animal in me. Well, I had a ferret down my trousers.
This new controller thinks I am the funniest man in Britain. He’s been told to stay in bed and take things easy for a while.
I remember that day clearly, because it was the one day there wasn’t a sale at Allied Carpets.
This joke dates back to 256 BC which, as scholars of ancient Egypt will know, was the year of the famous wildcat strike by the amalgamated union of eunuchs and allied sopranos, in a dispute over severance pay.
Since the last joke, I’d like to thank all those of you who have written in with suggestions about what I can do with my act, one or two of you with diagrams.
Offers of work have been flooding in. Last week I was invited to go on a round-the-world cruise. By the chairman of the Flat Earth Society.
This week I was asked to do a very important after-dinner speech. I said: “Do you want me to be funny?” They said: “No, just be yourself.”
A Malaysian court dismisses Malaysia Airlines’s bid to throw out a lawsuit filed by relatives of three people who went missing on Flight 370. The company argued that the disappearance of MH370 on March 8, 2014, occurred before the company came into existence as Malaysia Airlines Berhad (MAB) on September 1, 2015, and therefore has no liability to relatives. The court ruled MAB’s liability would be determined in a trial. (UPI)(Malay Mail)